Saturday, July 12, 2008

Miss chatterbox is here

There is no one to talk to. No one. No one. No one.

I have been a loner kind of a person for a good while now. While sometimes it may seem like the way of life, sometimes it just aches from inside out. And no I don't want to join any cult, clan, creed, faction, etc. to help support groups, counselors, therapists either. I would like to think I am not a depressed person because I really am not. I am alive, have a beautiful futon mattress to sleep on, great quality food to munch on and a slightly over-healthy body to dwell on. Not complaining about none of those (yeah I could totally picture some of my blog's frequent readers giving this peculiar stare thinking how I usually explain all clauses and conditions before I write something negative). Anyways, not having anyone to talk to-- It can be quite a bit sometimes. So let me give you a rundown of my daily schedule just so you know how my life goes...
~I wake up in the morning, make myself a nice tortilla filled with shredded cheese and also make some egg whites (yeah I know I like my breakfast big, thank you)
~Then I check my email, apply for jobs here and there. By now its time for some green tea, chug that and then slap on some SPF45 and go outside for a walk or go to the gym if I am feeling extra happy.
~Then come back home, by now I have slipped into 5pm/6pm slumberous mode, however, I hold it, everyday. I browse the internet yet again to overcome the soporific mode.
~Oh, in between I have duly made time for a soyjoy bar, some juice or gatorade and maybe some chips too (bad).
~Time to prep me some dindin...oh could be anything from rice and a modest curry to some salmon cooked with everything but the kitchen sink. Note, I enjoy spending copious amounts of time in the kitchen. Gives me mental clarity--especially when I use the ink-serator to grind gunk down the sink.
~I forgot to mention that the TV has been on all this while ever since I woke up, cept when I am not home (not a 100% green gal but I try). I am watching Food Network, E!, TBS, TNT, etc. all the time even the movies they repeat like 5 million times a week. I catch up on news online.
~Time to get some more of what I had for dinner followed by my fave green tea ice-cream. Always have two tubs in the fridge, sort of an insurance policy.
~Soon its 2am and I have been online browsing the umpteenth IT company, having just sent them my resume using their freakishly annoying automated system. Time for them chips.

So there you go...that's pretty much my day. I forgot to mention that I do talk to a few people here and there over the phone but have to do them much conservatively to save daytime minutes. I would say I have about 2-3 close friends with whom conversations exceed more than 10 minutes sometimes. They are great listeners and everything. Love them for being in my life.
So ya'll wondering what I'm exactly complaining about right? Don't have to wake up before dawn to some white-collared (or blue-colored) job in corporate america, Don't have to feed infants, Don't have infants, Don't have husband (Don't want husband).....yet so much to complain about?
Truly a wonder isn't it? Going back to the whole not being able to talk to someone. Maybe its talking about certain things. Things that live in me and have lived in me. New things that are growing in me. All these things that I sleep with every night in my mind and all these things that creep up in my dreams in the weirdest of ways. All these things are not told and I just hope the great Almighty gives me the strength to survive with so many untold things. Nuff blab for today, or tonight rather, its 2:06am.

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