Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The day of ranting...
Yes, I am about to rant. So if you are one of those people who exclusively like to read sunny, shiny, happy blogs- you've come to the wrong place. And what is the big deal in ranting anyways? Everyone rants or hyperventilates (whichever synonym you prefer to use)--either to their friends, to themselves, or to their blogs. If you don't rant, you are blessed and I am very happy for you. I used to be one of them too...when I was 5.
Today I would like to rant about myself.
Lately, everything important in my life has been falling apart and while I am not to blame for some of them, I am very much to blame for many of them.
Firstly, I am a self-certified emotional wreck. Always thinking too much about what other people think about me. When I say people, I mean even if I said something wrong to my mom's cousins mom, I would not be able to sleep at night thinking about it. It gets me into a little too much trouble sometimes but that doesn't stop this unstoppable surge of over-consciousness about every joe shmoe in me.
Secondly, I can't be selfish about what is good for me. For example if I like to eat tiramisu and my friend likes to eat cheesecake, I will forfeit my choice and go with the cheesecake every single time. Gosh how I abhor this attribute about myself.
All other problems are to live in my heart for now and probably die there someday too...but not anytime soon. Somewhere along that line I begin to lose myself.
And thats exactly where I am stuck today...I am beginning to lose myself. School isn't going as well as I would hope for it too...few kinks need to be ironed here and there. And those kinks are not my doings...go figure. There's domestic related issues too....and then buffalo being constantly freezing cold, grey and gloomy doesn't help either. I really wish I could put every single thing on here as explicitly as possible, but I can't. It would render too many questions, problems, etc. Apologies to those who are reading this and cringing about why I just can't be grateful and stop complaining about mundane problems. To them I can only say, to each her own.
um..Okay I'll add a little happy tidbit here so people know that I am not all sour. Had a light supper with some good friend, Julie and Shalaiwah. Such amazing girls with lots of positive energy and always there to listen. And another note, I know I am only 24 and have lived only a quarter of my life and haven't seen 'life' yet...again--to each her own.
Good night everyone...I promise to feel better soon.